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I
Don't
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So
If you haven't bought Shakira's album you need to, because she look good, not only that it sounds good. However, if you're not here for Shakira that's vaguely acceptable. The relationship Shakira and I have is that I love her to death, but I don't listen to her every day. Yes, she's fantastic, and yes I love her music, but I like to appreciate her every once in a while instead of putting her on repeat.
Shakira is the Queen of Columbia (If not South America) . The woman dominates like Al Capone, and I cannot handle it. She's on the Voice taking the place of that whore Christina Aguilera. Who I am just not here for.
Christina and I have a bipolar fascination with one another. I love her and I don't. I usually don't. She f**ked it up two years ago when she released “Your Body” with that sexy murderous video making me want her album. So, I buy it expecting it to be my everything and it is everything, but. Apparently it is a “rebirth” as another “lotus rises”.
Whatever.
Either way, I pop it in and there only four tracks I just love. The other ones are just boring and I just don't care. They tend to be trite, coming across as fake, and just not her. She's trampling on Lady Gaga's ground of love yourself. Except, I actually believe Gaga.
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If she hadn't f**ked up “Lotus”, me and Christina would be having a loving relationship, but you can't fix what never worked. Some day I might decide I need “Genie in a Bottle” and reevaluate, but for the time being, that's funny.
Back to Shakira, the love of my life. She is the epitome of what a Latin superstar should be. A thirty seven year old woman with a cute baby boy, a rocking body, and a legion of dedicated fans. She even has that piece of side candy Gerard Piqué (Her baby daddy) who's ten years younger then her.
Work it Shakira.
That said this relationship with little boy is going to have to end. He informed her that he doesn't want her making music videos with “men”. Let me tell you something Gerard. This is Shakira. Be glad she allows you to be in the same room as her.
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Shakira. I know you think this little piece is cute and you like how “authoritative” he is, but he is still ten years younger then you. He does not need to be bossing you around. You also didn't think having his baby made it worth your effort to marry him. Dump him and let him find some hooker in the red light district to satisfy his needs.
I'm watching you Gerard.
Ignoring that, Shakira is essentially the greatest and sexiest woman ever. I just love that she's proven that you can be sexy and still be in control of your destiny without some man weighing you down That you can do whatever you want, that you can be creative, that you can be artistic, and that people will still love you. And, the fact that she guest starred on my favorite show ever “Ugly Betty” makes her perfect.
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Perfect.
Before I forget go out and see America Ferrara's new movie, because America is fantastic, it's entitled “Chavez” and I'm sure it's going to be up for Academy Awards, so get yourself cultured.
And, buy Shakira's new album before it becomes illegal to own.
MOST DOWNLOADS FROM LOTUS:
- Lotus Intro
- Your Body
- Let There Be Love*
- Cease Fire
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- “Spanish Eyes” a haunting ballad by Madonna praising the beauty of Spanish women, it continues the train of Latin inspired garb she started with “La Isla Bonita”.
- Obviously Tortilla Chips are going to make this list. They must be the American kind, why people want anything authentic is beyond me. Just bring on the carbs.
- I have a love for Natalie Cole, because she is just one classy woman and her collection of Spanish standards entitled Natalie Cole en Español, is on par with her father's similar release. If your here for that kind of music, you most certainly should check it out. Now, I didn't take Spanish in high school, so I don't know how good her pronunciation. is. But, when it comes to legends it hardly matters
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- That hair. Specifically, Gloria Estefan's hair circa 1980 gives me life. Now Gloria and I are not best friends, but we do talk. Mainly about her hair.
- It goes without saying I'm a hard core J. Lo fan, therefore I've beeng geeking out over her new music video entitled “I Luh Ya Papi” with all those sexy men in it. Yes. Jennifer likes her men all kinds of ways: hairy, waxed, oiled up, dreads attached, white, black, Puerto Rican. Jennifer doesn't care as long as they are sexy. A rule to live by.
- I'm just going to get all my favorite hispanic actors out of the way right now: America Ferrara, Eva Longoria-Parker (Especially in Desperate Housewives), Salma Hayek (Need I say more. That woman. #Jealous), and Mark Indelicato. He played the fantastic little gay boy on Ugly Betty, and he's just as b**chy in real life as he was on the show. I'm here for it.
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- Eva Peron. You may know her as "Evita". The woman ruled the nation of Brazil by being the sexiest woman to ever be first lady. When, she died four people were crushed, because they wanted to get close to her. You could not buy flowers in Buenos Aires , because they were sold out in order to throw them out of windows as her coffin passed by. That's how much people loved her. And, when her husband became president she changed the age on her birth certificate, so she could be three years younger. That's what you do when your husband's the most powerful man in the country. And, then when a few years after her death there was a military coup, it became illegal to say her name because she was such a popular figure they were afraid it would start a military uprising. And, if that wasn't enough, they moved her body from it's public location to Italy so people couldn't visit it. Then, a rock musical was made about her life and Madonna played her in the movie. That's what I call a role model.
- Finally, sexy papi's world-wide. I prance on the ground you walk on.
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